| i'm gonna make it after alllllllll |
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| 08:50pm 26/03/2005 |
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i'm excited about the following:
-i might be transferring to George Mason University
-i might be working all summer at the Senate again (money money money, MONAY)
-i should be getting a car by june or july! (and learning to drive it by august)
-i might get an apartment for the summer in DC
-i am buying a mini-stepper that fits right in my room for accessible workouts!
-i might be moving in with vernon and friend kevin in august
-and i might just be a genius because i just figured out my statistics hw!
wee. :) |
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(4 party fouls | party like it's 1979) |
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| 11:02am 20/02/2005 |
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last night's dream: i was in rotterdam, nl and a terrorist group had infiltrated the city and was hunting down and killing americans. all americans had to evacuate the city, and i made it alive! for once, i survived a scary dream. it was neat, i approached strangers to know about short cuts or places i could temporarily hide- which was strange because all around me big camera-like guns were pulled on people left and right. i hid in a scientific research building, which was interesting, but i got to the subway and i was safe!
anyway, this is what hyperdictionary.com says: Dreaming that you escape from injury, from an animal, or from any situation means your good health and prosperity. You will experience a favorable turn of events.
i don't really believe in dream dictionary's, but they're like fortune cookies and horoscopes- they can only make you feel better, rarely worse. :)
amanda is visiting tonight after she gets off work. she's coming to my classes with me tomorrow. eee. i'm pretty excited! though i can't wait for spring break. we have plans to get manicures and pedicures, to get haircuts, and to have 40(oz)-night like old times. in addition to other various activities. ahh, best fren. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| valentines day :) |
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| 12:18pm 14/02/2005 |
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eee there was a knock at the door, and i went to answer it and there was a basket of daisies. i figured they were for mary or christina since they had boyfriends but they were for meeeee. my "best fren" sent me flowerrrrs. and that just made my day!
my roommate and i made up yesterday. she apologized, so i apologized. and i laid it on thick too, being extra girly and shit. haha i said "yay, i'm so glad we're talking again!" and then went outside and cracked up for like 5 minutes. i don't know why i found it so funny... maybe because it worked. but anyway, now living here won't completely suck, but she still gets on my nerves.
this is a sign that i watch too much tv, but i can completely relate to vonda, on The Real World, who said "how do you tell someone you can't stand their personality?" and it's really something you CAN'T say. you can't change someone, so by telling them that it can only offend them. it's not constructive. but it happens. you just hate someone's personality and there's no way to get around it. i just have to deal with it.
they were handing out free krispy kreme donuts today. all over. it took so much will power to just walk on by. my 2 favorite things in life- junk food and free stuff. oh free stuff, how i love thee. ;-;
happy valentines day! |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| 11:08am 12/02/2005 |
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i hate meeting new people. i hate my roommates. i'm 131 miles away from my friends. spring break is 20 days away, and that's when i get to go home again. except i don't really have a home. i'm not welcome at my dad's house, unless i sneak in around the back and sleep on the couch in the basement.
the only thing i have have to look forward to each day is following my diet plan. so i think about food all the time. planning out my meals, waiting to eat my snacks, wondering what vegetable to eat with dinner, etc. i obsess over food to the point where i'm distracted if i try to do my homework.
i've never watched so much tv in my life. i watch the news and saved by the bell in the morning and then i watch tv all day after school until i go to sleep. i think television turns people into zombies, but i have nothing better to do than zombification.
there are so many things i could be doing, that i want to do. going to shows, plays, improv nights, lectures and discussions about social or global topics, going to the movies, to the gym, going on walks or drives, exploring harrisonburg and finding neat mom-and-pop shops or locating the international foods market i've heard about. but i have no one to share any of that with.
my step-mom wants to move to colorado because she thinks she will be happy there. my dad says if you aren't happy where you're at, you won't be happy anywhere. it's not external factors that need to change but internal. i knew that was true when i moved out of my mom's condo, i knew that was true when i moved here, and i know that will be true when i move back home. but i want to transfer away from this school. i feel like i might as well have died last august for all the living i haven't done since i came here.
i dunno. what makes a person happy? |
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(1 party foul | party like it's 1979) |
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| bah. i've never felt so immature but college seems to do that to you |
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| 01:54pm 11/02/2005 |
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i live in an off-campus apt and i have my own room. i share the bathroom with roomie1 who lives in the room next to mine. on the other side of the apt is roomie2 and roomie3, who are never here. but roomie1 has always had a problem with roomie2 because she used to leave her shit everywhere, they used to get in fights and roomie1 would always talk shit- like a broken record.
anyway, i just got in a fight with roomie1 today. she's been annoying me for a while, so this has built up over a long period of time.
yesterday she said she was going home for the weekend. last night i started to do my laundry. when i opened the dryer to put my clothes in, her damp towels were in there. it was late and i needed clothes, so i put them ontop of the dryer. she randomly comes back this morning and while i am doing dishes she goes to the laundry room and exclaims "someone put my towels on the dryer." i told her i did it because i needed my clothes done. she goes "thanks a lot!" and then throws all my clothes at (not necessarily ON) the washer.
i finished doing the dishes and then walked to my room. she stops me and says "you really need to clean the living room" with attitude streaming out her pores. i thought this was funny and said "really?" she goes "yeah. i just cleaned the kitchen (by which i assume she means she took out the trash and her pizza boxes) so you clean the living room. see how this works? i know you hate cleaning--" and that's when i cut her off. "no, i don't hate cleaning. but none of the shit out here is mine." and she's like "fine, i'll clean up my stuff, then you vacuum." and while she's cleaning up her shit she mutters, "if we're going to act like you're 2 years old..." and i was like oh hell no. "i'm not acting like a 2 year old. you always tell me to clean, when there is nothing out here but YOUR shit. everywhere. and all the time. it's hypocritical for you to get on my case about cleaning when you leave shit all over the apt." and then she starts acting like a victim "why is it that i'm the only one around here that knows how to use a mop and vacuum?" and that's when i went off on her. "you aren't the only one that cleans and you never do it anyway. you're the next roomie2 and i hope you know that." and she said to me "well then move the fuck out!" and she stormed out, slamming the glass door. 5 seconds later she came back in and locked her bedroom door, then left again.
it was a lame fight. i got to say a lot of shit i've been wanting to say for a while. but i know myself and i know her by now. i don't think i did anything wrong and she feels the exact same way.
but i can't STAND catty girls. especially self-righteous catty girls. they need to be brought down a notch. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| sweet home northern virginia, lawd i'm coming home to you |
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| 07:35am 04/02/2005 |
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it's jeremy's birthday this weekend and there was some discussion of my coming back home to celebrate with everyone. well i couldn't afford a ticket and amanda didn't have money for gas so we tossed the idea. but amanda helped me scheme once more and i am buying a one-way ticket and then on sunday she is driving me back to the Burg.
originally, it was supposed to be amanda surprising me by coming to pick me up. now i am surprising jeremy and vernon by going to NoVA tonight! the surprise was complicated last night though. i smoked some pot and got stoned and amanda called me and was like "um, i'm with vernon and he is mad at me for not getting you, and he is talking about going to get you." i was like "ummm... cartoons." hopefully they worked that out. :x
donating plasma is cool. i made $50 this week. but i was NOT aware that needles left scars. i figured track marks on junkies was just a result of using drugs ALL the time. now i gotta rub cocoa butta' on my arms.
i joined myspace. and now i don't know what to do with it. |
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(4 party fouls | party like it's 1979) |
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| just because. |
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| 02:27pm 21/01/2005 |
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mood: accomplished music: ICP foo'
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i'm going to school, going to my classes, doing my homework, reading for pleasure, started a new diet and exercise regimen, and i've dramatically decreased my alcohol and drug intake. all in less than two weeks!
my life is on an upward swing finally! and i am so much happier, despite the fact that bush won. and not only did bush win the elections, but he survived the inaugaration. there was a part of me that expected a crazed lunatic to at least take a shot at him. i think EVERYONE expected it. the news kept one camera on the parade and one camera on the protesters, just waiting for it.
and i've decided if someone in my life is making me unhappy, then it is best to ignore them until they remember how great i am. it worked with my friend lisa. i ignored her calls and text messages for 2 months and now she's coming down to H-burg to visit me and we are going to drink, shroom, smoke pot, and play mario kart. good times. i think my friend vernon is next, because i am definitely underappreciated there.
i finally told my dad i wasn't sure about law school because i wasn't sure which side of the law i was on. it seems hypocritical to me, even though i'm not pursuing law enforcement. he said it doesn't matter, you can pretty much do anything with a law degree. so i'm still thinking about it. :)
as long as i'm alive i'm going to live illegal! haha.
i remember loving spending time by myself. but in the past few years, i would go nuts if i didn't talk to anyone, call anyone, or see anyone on any one day. i always had to be talking to someone. but i've come fond of isolation once again. which has its downsides, i'm sure, but right now it is just what i want.
on monday i am donating plasma for money! wuahaha, i am a good person. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| stupid stupid stupid |
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| 06:38pm 06/12/2004 |
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i typed into my phone
"i just snorted half a caffeine pill to study. i don't think it worked, lol stupid OTC drugs."
and sent it to my dad. by accident.
i ran inside my apt, threw my phone across the apt, threw my cigarette outside, dropped to my knees, and screamed. then i got up and punched the wall screaming NO NO NO. then i threw off my jacket, ran outside, grabbed the cigarette, and took off walking.
my roomie thinks i am nuts.
i took an exam and wrote a paper today. now i have to study for tomorrow's exam. i'm a lil stressed out. and now all i can think about is how STUPID i am.
well, at least my dad knows i am studying. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| oodaveedavegenvig. whatever that means :) |
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| 11:18am 29/11/2004 |
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last night i had a dream that i was a fan of suzanne summers and she had selected me to be in her new movie. while i was taking a boat tour of her house, patrick swayze snuck inside and killed a boatload of tourists. he got me drunk and tried to kill me, but i ran away and rescued an entire boat of musclehead women. that's the first time i finished a dream where in the end i survived being chased by a murderer. weird :o
anyway, THE NETHERLANDS ROCKED MY SOCKS WITH POX.
belgium too!
i had a blast! and i learned... absolutely no Dutch. well, i can read some, but i cannot understand a bloody word. i love canals, mini-cars, fun & exciting shoes, intercity trains, and parks in Amsterdam.
but my sleeping schedule is fucked up. i keep waking up at 4:30 am. both there AND here. it's weird. and it is messing me up damnit. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| so anxious i could poo. |
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| 07:56pm 16/11/2004 |
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i leave for the netherlands on FRIDAY. the longest plane ride i have EVER been on has been 2 and a half hours. i am so nervous. just THINKING about it makes my heart pound.
and i am nervous about failing out of college. this semester has been really bad. if i can't get my shit together for finals, then i am screwed. note to self: LIVE IN THE LIBRARY STARTING DEC 1 .
when next semester starts (and the new year begins) i hope i will have accomplished the following things:
- lose 10 pounds
- get a permit/ license/ car
- get a job
- join the gym
- join a club
- attend class
i have to do well! and i need to start creating attachments here in the burg. to school, work, and people. otherwise i will NEVER succeed. and i hate customer service, so working in retail or with fast food is NOT an option for my life's career. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| huh. kind of down today. |
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| 03:42pm 08/11/2004 |
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i think i have finally realized - i make more of an effort to see my friends than they make to see me. i mean, they have made many trips down here to come see me or to come get me. but it is more important to me than it is to them. they have their own lives up there with jobs, family, other friends, etc. even though i'm the one that left, i feel left behind. and i feel stupid for not making more of an effort to have my own life here at school. i'm so confused and so unhappy- i don't know what to major in or if i even want to stay in school. what's the point? i'm obviously not succeeding at school. if i do graduate, i will be mediocre in any profession. i wish there was more to life than the standard timeline of school, career, retirement and death. |
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(1 party foul | party like it's 1979) |
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| angry rant. :) |
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| 12:59am 14/10/2004 |
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it really disturbs me that our country prefers a lovable but dumb country yokel (bush) in the white house than a professional, intelligent and just person (kerry). people say kerry's speeches are too convoluted and too confusing- well, it is not for lack of speaking english. it is lack of understanding the language, on the audience's part.
everyone should have the right to vote. i whole heartedly believe that. even convicted felons. but why do so many people vote when they have no clue what the issues are? "he's a strong leader." um.. okay? what does that really mean? break that down for me, please.
kerry has the right idea to move this country FORWARD. being able to seperate his religious beliefs from his job is very important- he is extremely open minded and sincere about working towards the benefit of the people, not the christians. MANY things will benefit from this. he also believes that america cannot stand alone. he is not deluded by american power- he understands we need allies we can depend on and vice versa. and he recognizes environmental issues. he also sees that issues HERE, in our country, have been extremely neglected. i mean. you cannot say these things about bush and keep a straight face.
kerry IS a strong leader- the problem is, people don't associate intelligence with strength.
it's a cowboy smirking as he straddles a nuclear warhead that really gets the american public off. well, yee haw, america. we have the fattest asses in the world, and i think it is safe to say we're not getting any smarter.
welcome to the new millennium. population: ignorant. |
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(2 party fouls | party like it's 1979) |
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| A sumation of the evening: |
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| 08:26am 13/10/2004 |
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addelein (2:11:34 AM): i just puked all over the sidewalk and wetn home
addelein (2:11:37 AM): arrgggj
amanda (2:11:43 AM): ew dude
amanda (2:11:49 AM): happy birthday
amanda (2:11:50 AM): lol
addelein (2:11:52 AM): but plenty of margarita mix left over
addelein (2:11:52 AM): lol
addelein (2:11:56 AM): ahhaa forrrrreal
addelein (2:11:58 AM): omg
addelein (2:12:00 AM): hhaha
addelein (2:12:23 AM): everyone i s gunna be like "wft where did adrienne go??"
amanda (2:12:38 AM): haha
addelein (2:12:59 AM): hehe :x
amanda (2:13:07 AM): good luck waking up in the morning
amanda (2:13:10 AM): need me to call you?
addelein (2:13:10 AM): only me and you know i puked
addelein (2:13:13 AM): lol please
amanda (2:13:18 AM): and vernon
addelein (2:13:21 AM): call me at 10 if you can
amanda (2:13:29 AM): ok
amanda (2:13:34 AM): i have class at 10:30
addelein (2:13:35 AM): vernon?
addelein (2:14:10 AM): okay, call me!! i must go bed now
amanda (2:14:22 AM): nite
addelein (2:18:12 AM): i just puked more
addelein (2:18:15 AM): egggh
addelein (2:18:16 AM): omg
addelein (2:18:22 AM): tequila suicks
addelein (2:18:25 AM): rtne end'
addelein (2:18:32 AM): goondinigfhe!!! |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| piss off. |
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| 12:01am 11/10/2004 |
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so i had cleaned up the living room and was in the middle of watching a movie with lit scented candles and it was a serene moment. but my roommate walks in, says she's watching the game here with her friends, turns the channel to ESPN, and then 10 people walk in. and now the music is all loud and they are loud and they are playing beer pong. midnight on a sunday night.
i really wouldn't even care if they would at least ask. you know, how hard is it to say "do you mind if we hang out here?" thursday to sunday morning it obviously doesn't matter, but SUNDAY NIGHT IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT. have a little respect, please. JUST ASK. i really wouldn't care if they would just show a little consideration for other people who actually have classes tomorrow.
whatever. maybe i'm an old lady. but fireal. i just want to go to bed. i hate it here. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| not even day two, wtf. |
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| 12:54am 07/10/2004 |
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breaking the habit
hour: 35
well. there have been ups and downs to this. some moments i walk around and take a deep breath and think about how FREE it feels to not smoke. and then there are moments where i am pacing around my apartment with a headache wondering why i quit goddamn it. i just experienced one of those moments- and- i did something i never thought i would do.
i smoked a cigarette butt from an ashtray. an outdoor ashtray. a cigarette that wasn't even mine! for shame. i was tempted to grab another, but quickly retreated inside. my roommate caught me. gross :( she offered to take me to the gas station for cigarettes, but i declined.
i'm obsessed with thinking about cigarettes. about how my life will change if i quit, or how i can budget them back into my life, or after every meal i think "ah, a cigarette would be good right about now." i see people on tv smoking and my mouth waters.
i'm so close to letting go completely. closer than i've ever been before anyway. and i look forward to clean lungs, a fat wallet, white teeth, fresh breath, no more stains on my fingers and nails, no more carrying a pack of cigarettes with me everywhere, no more 2am walks to the gas station when i run out, no more scrounging for coins under my bed and in the cracks of my furniture.
if i can wake up early enough, i may go out for a jog tomorrow morning and test out my lungs. it is early, i know, but i DO have a lot of energy. |
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(4 party fouls | party like it's 1979) |
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| 10:32pm 05/10/2004 |
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... i think edwards & bush belong together. and cheney and kerry belong together. southern but dumb and smart but boring. i love edwards- i think he is intelligent, but when he sits next to cheney, he doesn't seem to measure up. edwards comes off as repetitive, aggressive, and desperate to prove moot points while cheney is cool and calm, short and snide. evil prevails and southern gentility just isn't enough. :/
but wow, what a great smile! |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| someone puked red koolaid in my bathroom and now there are red streaks everrry where |
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| 02:10pm 03/10/2004 |
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my dad's wife said i come home so often she's surprised i haven't dropped out of school yet. and wonders when i will. thanks. stupid pill popping vitamin obsessed menopausal whore of a manwoman with neurotic tendancies that unfortunately don't include suicide. >:o
i accidently let a secret slip to a friend about another friend. it was several months ago. i sat the girl down and i said, look- this is serious. it's not funny and it's not the hottest gossip, and you of all people should know how scary and damaging something like this is. and we talked for 20 minutes and she agreed not to tell anyone else. except the WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD TO TELL. i found out on friday. now this other girl is spreading the secret faster than she could spread ebola if she had it. i'm not concerned about myself- i don't talk to the person this secret involves anymore. but i do feel guilty- no one needs their personal business aired like this.
kerry ruled the debates. and bush succeeded in making sure everyone knew that he knows who osaddama bin hussein is. silly bush, being president is hard work- we know, but that's why it is usually work given to real grown-ups. take a nap, a flinstones vitamin, and you'll feel alllll better in the morning- of november 3rd when kerry is president.
in other news, i resisted the "charms" of a townie on wednesday night even though he claimed to have three stooges bed sheets. thursday night i drank 40s with the vernonator. i ate thai food on friday. saturday we painted with watercolors. and today i got my voter registration card. boo yeah and go redskins! |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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| life. |
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| 04:47pm 29/09/2004 |
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i went to a highschool with less than 30 students. one of the kids i knew there my senior year killed himself on sunday. he hung himself in the basement laundry room of his parent's house. he was a really friendly and easy-going kid when i knew him. and, as whenever anyone commits suicide, it is a complete mystery why it happened.
but today i was pouring over a poem by keats, an author who died very young from TB, and i couldn't figure out the meaning of it. i didn't agree with the two suggested meanings that were offered in the essay assignment. after finding out about CJ, i started working on the poem again and created my own conclusion.
i believe the poem "ode to a grecian urn" is ambiguous because keats himself did not know whether it was better to die young having lived a life appreciating beauty, or a life of immortality frozen in beauty. i think in the end, however, keats thought it best to live life, no matter how brief, having been able to experience change in seasons, a lover's kiss, etc. i don't think the poem is a question of desiring or pitying the urn, but a debate keats was having about his own life.
i wish i could attend the funeral. mr coffin is speaking. he is the teacher who makes speeches about the students who are graduating (and since graduating classes are usually only 4 to 6 people, he makes it personal.) and CJ, who dropped out, wondered to his parents what mr coffin would have said about him on his graduation. so the parents requested mr coffin speak at the funeral. it's so touching. i love mr. coffin. |
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(party like it's 1979) |
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monotone's journal